Issue 175

January 2019

Gilbert and Keri Melendez are mixed martial artists, husband and wife, father and mother and run a gym together. Gareth A Davies joined them for an exclusive look inside to discuss love and marriage, fights and their foundation, sex in fight week...and how she gave him a black eye when they first met.

Tell us, how did you meet?

GILBERT: I think we met around 12 years ago. We’ve been married for five, and have a daughter Leila, who’s eight years old. We have a long history together.

KERI: We met through a mutual friend. The first time I met him, he had a great energy about him and that’s what attracted me to him. He was funny, but also a little bit arrogant. He was great to me and a sweet guy to me. He’s very smooth and he’s funny. He makes me laugh all the time.

There’s some story, though, behind your first meeting...

GM: “I might have spotted her. But the first time we met was at a Mexican restaurant, a mutual friend brought us together. We had some margaritas. We started talking crap. She did Muay Thai, I did MMA. We didn’t know each other at all from the martial arts scene, but that’s why our friend connected us. She was pro-Muay Thai and I was pro-MMA. We debated about it. We had a great night. I was trying to win her over. By the end of the night, she gave me a black eye and I knew she was worth calling back.

A black eye?

KM: This story always makes me laugh. And he thought it was cute and funny that I fought and he wanted to see my skills. He was kind of teasing me a little bit. He wanted to hold mitts for me, he wanted to see how hard I hit. I missed the pad, by accident, and popped him in the eye.”

GM: It was not an accident. (laughing) I could have called the police on her! But there was something about her. Keri is deceiving, to this day. People don’t see the strength, the power, or the intensity. They always underestimate her just because she’s sweet and beautiful. I did that the first time as well and I paid for it. I think most men would run away from that. Most don’t like to handle an Alpha woman because they like to be the Alpha. But I think it takes a real man to handle a woman like her.

Did you like him?

KM: I did enjoy his company. We had a great time. For him to be able to take that and laugh it off ... I did not know I’d given him a black eye. I knew there was a little red mark. Maybe I did know it would turn into a black eye but he handled it well. I enjoyed his company.

You are both originally from southern California, but you have made your union here in San Francisco. Tell us a little about this amazing facility you have...

GM: It’s 7,000 square feet, we’re in the Bay view. We like to call it the dog patch, the bay view has a rough reputation, because of Cesar Chavez Street. Some people call it the hood out here but I think we’ve bridged that gap. People from all neighborhoods are welcome here. We’ve got people who have had a rough life training here, we’ve got Tech people, we’ve got cops, we’ve got ex-cons. We’ve got everybody here. It’s an open door and I really think we’ve bridged a gap in the neighborhood. There can be 80, 90 people at one time on mats at any one time, in the boxing rings, and the hangar doors are always open.

KM: Yes, I love this neighborhood here. We would really love to get more of the neighborhood and the people involved.

GM: I think we want to develop great fighters, but also develop people of great character. That’s very important. We have a great community here. Yeah we want to create great fighters, but we want to give back to the community out here. This place has nothing fancy. Most gyms want to get the latest stuff, have an app on your bike or your treadmill. We have bags, chains, hard work and sweat. That’s how it is here. You earn your stripes. It’s a sink-or-swim type of environment, but we don’t discriminate at all. As long as you’re willing to put the work in, you don’t have to be in the best shape. You can be in the worst shape, but as long as you show up every day, work hard, be respectful to everybody, it’s going to be alright.

There is a genuine charity side to the gym, too?

KM: We just started that this year, so I definitely don’t have everything put together yet. Mine and Gilbert’s goal is to get the kids in the neighborhood to come and have an outlet for themselves. Hopefully give them what martial arts has given us – discipline, confidence and a great community for them to be a part of.

GM: Yeah, but it’s been tough to try and be leaders and carry people’s weight. And in the great city of San Francisco things have changed. The cost of living is expensive for everyone here. Business is thriving here, charging a lot for membership. But there’s certain types of people, like Keri and I, who, growing up, probably couldn’t have afforded this. But we had hearts of lions and lionesses. This was an outlet for us and it brought us out of our neighborhoods.

MMA brought us a new, bigger role outside a 9-5, doing something to follow our passion. That’s the whole point of having the non-profit (charity arm) now, to be able to provide for those young people. Not only so they can become champions, but to show them how to teach, to be clean, be respectful, how to line up on the wall. Teachers have handcuffs right now in school because they can’t even yell at students. But if you get coach Mo in here, he’ll scold you, make you do push-ups and put it on you. We’re trying to build character. It’s one of those things we take pride in and we care about here.

GM: My calling is a competitor and there are so many kids out there where this is the school for them. They’re not meant to sit down for six hours a day. I don’t think kids are meant to sit down for six hours a day.

KM: Absolutely. My favorite subject at school was PE.

GM: Now they give you a pill to sit down and be quiet, but I think kids are meant to run around. They have energy, young men and woman. But here we teach them to be respectful and to shake hands.

This environment gives you a voice. And I feel like that’s what martial arts gave me. I can handle any confrontational situation without being nervous. I won’t have any sort of fear. I see it in our daughter. We got her into jiu-jitsu and the very first day she’d fall down and cry a little bit. But it didn’t hurt, and now she’s thrown and tossed and pops back to her feet. Part of it is not learning how to whip butt, but how to take a beating and get back up, it’s not a big deal and there’s nothing to fear. That’s what we take pride in, that’s what we thrive on. It doesn’t have to be a kid from the hood, it can be any kid. It could be a kid that could go to a softer school, or someone who is getting bullied. But yes, because of where we came from we are able to walk with the Ritzes (the rich), and walk in the hood.

So, how does an emotional, husband-wife relationship work between two fighters?

KM: Every relationship has its difficulties.

GM: In the first couple of years there was a lot of figuring things out. I was in the MMA community and she was in the kickboxing community. We were in two separate gyms, two separate gangs. Two separate tribes, so I stole here her from another tribe. But she was worth fighting for. I did pursue her for a while. I think there was some resistance.

KM: Gilbert was very persistent. And I liked that about him actually. I don’t know what I would have done if he just went away.

GM: And it wasn’t easy for her to separate from her tribe, her people out there.

KM: It was a little bit of a hard time. I was 22. I loved the sport and they got me into the sport. So it was difficult when I separated from them. I don’t know if it’s funny, but there was a little drama when I look back on it about switching teams. Abandonment and the politics that go along with different gyms, which I understand now. But it was a little bit of a difficult time. It felt like a little bit of a Romeo and Juliet thing. He was from a different gym and people didn’t like him.

GM: “I was running around like a madman for a while too.”

Has it been easier for both of you in a marriage, being active, pro fighters?

KM: I don’t know if it was easier. It took us a second to really get to where we are now and to figure out the dynamic between us. To figure out who’s fighting and when, and then there’s our daughter. Making it work. There’s a lot of teamwork and compromise, and good people around us, to get to where we are now. It took years. It does work well. And right now I am happy about it. I do understand where he’s coming from and he understands where I’m coming from and we support each other. We work as a team. And our daughter is also very supportive, she’s amazing when either of us are in fight camp.

Keri, were you ever cornering Gilbert in Strikeforce?

KM: No. I was cornering him at home. I was helping with food, our daughter, schedule and the business. Basically taking all the pressure o him I could so he could focus on fighting. That’s what I was trying to do at that time, so I wasn’t fighting at all. I was 100 percent supporting his career and how well he was doing.

Was that the toughest period for you, then...?

KM: It was tough. I had a daughter and needed to focus on being a mother. I was okay with that role and okay with being a support system for Gilbert. He was doing really well. I enjoyed it and I enjoyed doing that. I enjoy where I’m at now. I’m happy I get my turn and I think it was the perfect timing, the way everything worked out. I do think it was meant to be that way. It would have been too much if I had tried to fight at that time with what he was doing. I don’t know if it would have worked out.

But now he’s in your corner as you fight in Bellator?

KM: Yes, I need him there. It took us a second to get the dynamic down of coach and student. He is my head MMA coach. Being in a relationship and dealing with my attitude, he does shout at me. He’s really hard on me and sometimes I would be sensitive with that.

Is that hard on you, like you take it home?

KM: Oh definitely. It’s tough. I’m lucky also. I get Gilbert, and all these private lessons. We also take it home in a positive way, to work on things. There’s questions I have. We watch fights together and strategize. It’s fun. We do it for fun all the time.

GM: Sometimes we do go to sleep on it. Sometimes we make peace. But it’s definitely trial and error. It’s our first experience of it. I was kicking ass in my career and she took a step on the sidelines to really support me because we’re not only a relationship, we’re a partnership. It was what’s best for the family. And at that time there actually was no competition for women. She actually did some competition at that time to get her fix. For two years it would build up and she’d need to fight. It was tough for me. She had a fight four weeks before I fought Josh Thomson, the third time. It was a difficult time for both of us. But I got the W, we moved through it and moved on. She got her fix and thought maybe she’d never have to fight again. In my head I knew. I was prepping her for MMA, for when the time was right. Now it’s her time to shine. But it has been difficult and a challenge to balance it out. I still have my goals in pursuing being a successful fighter. Being a father, having a successful business as well as being an analyst. There’s pressures to be a provider for your family, but also seeing my wife. She’s a dang good wife, dang good competitor but she’s also a leader in the gym. She’s my wife, and that’s not easy either. I told you I’m romantic.

What happens in the moment after a fight with Keri... ?

GM: You’re no longer the coach anymore, there’s no wall. Nothing beats that night. Being a fighter is fun, you have all these people around you but there’s this moment at night when you’re in bed alone or with your significant other. She’s with me and I’m with her. The fight’s over and it’s done. Your adrenaline is high, hers is high. We don’t sleep on fight night. We’re up till 8 in the morning because we’re hyped up on it. Baby’s at home or with my mother-in-law.”

Is there a danger you’ll become parents again in those hours?

GM: Oh man. I give her space pre-fight, but then after that, it’s like hey, I’m calling the shots for a second. It is like being deeply in love again. It’s a relief. Who can you feel your relief with besides your lover? We feel that relief together. And it’s always been that way after my fights and hers. It’s nice to share that relief with a person. It’s very nice, I love it.

KM: I do love it also. After my fight, I just have this huge appreciation for what we went through. I think in my first couple of fights I just ran into his arms and said now you can hold me. I’m just happy and on this great high in life and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

OK, so journalists tend to ask male fighters about sex in fight week. What about both of you? Sex in fight week?

GM: Seven days out max. Sometimes I’ll push ten days, never fight week. It’s a damn fact, sometimes you do something before training and you’ll be like ugh, that was a bad idea. I’ve nothing after training. Sometimes it energizes you but the old fact is, save it for after the fight.

KM: “I want nothing to do with him during fight week. I do feel (I want to keep my energy) but I’ve heard others say (they don’t need to). I don’t during fight week.

GM: She doesn’t like lovey-dovey shit three weeks out of the fight. She’s mean and aggressive. Me too, but it’s different. She’s aggressive so no one can touch her. Even if I want a hug.

KM: Less hugs. I don’t want to get into where he holds me where I might be thinking help me or save me. I just focus.

GM: She’s definitely a different person those four weeks out. She’s not my wife, she’s a gladiator woman who is focused on her mission and needs her space. She doesn’t need anything to cause waves in that perfect mindset she has. She doesn’t need anyone to soften her up. The difference between men and women, I think, is I can flip the switch a little quicker but she needs to stay in that mindset. She doesn’t need me jacking up her rhythm. I think she can break a little easier into tears or back into a loving woman. She wants to maintain that beast mentality.