RONDA SMASH

Ronda Rousey, UFC 175

Ronda god damn Rousey. Exactly when you think ‘Rowdy’s going to get a tough fight, she beats Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt Alexis Davis via 16-second obliteration. If you saw the UFC 175 co-main event, you’ll know exactly what we mean. If you didn’t, imagine Rousey being to Davis what Chris Weidman’s inside leg kick check was to Anderson Silva’s shin bone last year. Or, for those who didn’t see that, what Roy Nelson is to a modestly sized buffet. Total destruction.

Now, it certainly was stunning to see Rousey unknowingly knock Davis out with a one-two, then land a knee to the body, then pretty much KO her again with a harai goshi throw, then land nine punches for the TKO finish from kesa gatame side control. But it was also heartbreaking to observe Davis consequently try to take down referee Yves Lavigne because the instincts she’d trained for an extensive eight-week fight camp were telling her the most important bout of her career couldn’t possibly be over in 0:16.

Still, though, that Ronda Rousey.

STRETCH ARMSTRONG AWARD

Rick Glenn, World Series of Fighting 10

There’s no submission defense like elasticated joints. Because who gives an ‘F’ about Ronda Rousey’s armbar when you’re the physical embodiment of children’s toy of yesteryear, Stretch Armstrong? It appears new World Series of Fighting featherweight champion Rick Glenn has this exact physical benefit after surviving one of the tightest armbars his side of the gender divide at World Series of Fighting 10.

Defending 145lb title holder Georgi Karakhanyan caught Glenn in the hold halfway through the first then pulled and wrenched Glenn’s elbow joint every way he could until the Roufusport fighter’s escape attempts distracted Karakhanyan enough for Glenn to get on top. Where he landed so much punishment for the next round and a half Karakhanyan couldn’t continue. Which begs the question, if Glenn is Stretch Armstrong, does that mean Dominck Cruz is Operation? We went there.

OVERHAND-IEST OVERHAND

Tae Hyun Bang, UFC 174

Overhands are some of the tastiest knockout strikes. And South Korean lightweight Tae Hyun Bang served a prime cut of overhand knockout action for the Vancouver crowd at UFC 174. Not that they were too impressed, given that compatriot and TUF Nations graduate Kajan Johnson was the one to chow on it.

Thrown after catching Johnson’s right head kick in the third, Bang’s instinctive overhand reply was such a definitive end to the contest he didn’t even need to hurl the follow-up haymaker, which he plowed into the Octagon floor instead of ‘Ragin’s face. Delicious.

BEST SUBMISSION

Charles Oliveira, UFC Fight Night 43

We’ll be honest, you were almost reading about James Te Huna’s dramatic and intense war dance entrance at UFC Fight Night 43 right here.

Fighting in his native New Zealand, a traditional haka performance preceded his walk-out to battle Nate Marquardt. And it was great. It’s just that two fights earlier Charles Oliveira tapped the previously unsubmitted Hatsu Hioki with a ‘Submission of the Year’ candidate.

Both featherweights went armlock and choke attempt mad through their nine-minute fight until the Brazilian wrapped an anaconda choke around Hioki’s neck and arm from standing in the second. But instead of pulling the fight to the floor then rolling through for the orthodox finish, or simply dropping his legs to Hioki’s waist, the lanky Oliveira only went and swung his legs over his Japanese opponent’s back. Yes, like a Peruvian necktie. A tapout has never been more inevitable.

Best get a fitting for that Awards show tux now, Charles.

PHASERS SET TO STUN

Rory MacDonald, UFC 174

Tyron Woodley is a hard-hitting wrestle beast who, generally, cuts through competition like they’re a sliceable food stuff. Rory MacDonald is a cerebral assassin who, despite Woodley’s aforementioned talents, managed to game-plan him into not moving a muscle at UFC 174. MacDonald shut down Woodley’s power punch and double-leg offense through equal defense and superior cage generalship, basically giving ‘The Chosen One’ little option other than to circle around the Octagon for 15 minutes, allowing MacDonald to sweep the judges’ cards 30-27 all around. That, or he spiked Woodley’s water with ritalin or something.

BAD LUCK BEDFORD

Johnny Bedford, UFC Fight Night 44

What are the odds the same man could be on opposite sides of controversial stoppages in two consecutive fights, and the endings come within one second of each other? We’ve no idea, but it happened to UFC bantamweight Johnny Bedford.

In April in Abu Dhabi, an accidental clash of heads with Rani Yahya meant what Bedford thought was a 39-second KO win was actually a no contest. The two got into a shouting match afterward and a rematch was set for UFC Fight Night 44 in Texas in June. Yahya gets inured, Cody Gibson steps in, takes a few digs to the body to start the first round then loops a right hook into Bedford’s temple. That sends ‘Brutal’ flopping to the mat back first in the classic head-down, arms-limp pose and referee Kerry Hatley hesitantly waves it off at 0:38.

The end? No, this is a Johnny Bedford fight. So, more controversy? Of course. Bedford immediately pleads his lucidity to Hatley, stands up and goes borderline berserk. We’re now taking bets on whether Bedford’s next scrap will end by spontaneous submission or debatable decapitation.

IT SHALL BE MINE

Leandro Issa, The Ultimate Fighter 19 Finale

Jumabieke Tuerxun must be kicking himself. Literally giving himself a leg-based beating, because he couldn’t have been much more likely to win as his third round with Evolve MMA’s Leandro Issa began.

He was likely acres ahead on the judges’ cards in their TUF 19 Finale contest – thanks to a pair of brief knockdowns in round one and a winning second stanza where Issa also grabbed the fence to help improve position, forcing referee Mario Yamasaki to dock a point. In fact, Tuerxun was probably 20-17 up and could have got a thrashing in the third and still won – provided he made it to the final bell.

Which is exactly what he didn’t do. Knowing it was kill or be decisioned, Issa got an impossibly tight guillotine in period three’s early going. Although Tuerxun’s neck managed to outlast Issa’s arm stamina, and keep his decision alive, his elbow joint couldn’t take the wrenching it got from Issa’s armbar from mount – the bantamweight tapping with 1:11 left until his first UFC victory.

BIGGEST DOWNER

Frankie Edgar vs. BJ Penn, The Ultimate Fighter 19 Finale

‘The Prodigy’ had to drop to 145lb and film an entire season of TUF opposite Frankie Edgar to try and get one back on a trilogy in which the fan favorite was already 0-2. The decision looked wise for the first few moments of the pair’s TUF 19 Finale main event, as a more aggressive Penn had a few successful exchanges. From there on, however, Edgar switched it on and, like those previous two wins, was too fast, too dynamic and, as Penn later confessed, too relentless on the feet and on the floor.

Penn was made to look shellshocked as ‘The Answer’ landed at will, then broke the Hawaiian’s spirit with unending elbows from top position until the bout was called with 44 seconds left in round three. The ex 155lb and 170lb UFC belt-bearer said the fight allowed him to officially hang them up. And that he’d officially got closure on a storied career he’d been quasi retired from for 18 months. Thanks for the memories.

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