Issue 103
July 2013
Nightmares in New Jersey, slick moves in San Jose and a comeback in Kansas – here are the best bits from last month.
BONES BRIGADE
Jon Jones, UFC 159
Just imagine if Jon Jones hadn’t TKO’d Chael Sonnen with strikes to defend his UFC 205lb title for a Tito Ortiz-record-tying fifth time at UFC 159. He’d have walked back to his stool with that disgustingly dislocated big toe, incurred during a mid-round sprawl, and, depending on how it was interpreted, could have lost the fight and his belt by TKO injury to Sonnen. Not only would it have stopped Jones one win short of the aforementioned record tie, it’d have made some gamblers very rich indeed (Sonnen was a 10-1 underdog), and set up an immediate rematch where Jones would have been challenging for Chael’s title. Just one of the many mind-melters from the April card (see the next few pages). As it was, Jones did stop Sonnen, with a fierce though quickly stopped sequence of fists and elbows on the floor after he’d played Chael at his own ground ‘n’ pound game – controlling the clinch, taking him down with ease and dropping the hammer. To paraphrase his Nike slogan, Bones really does know.
TOUGHEST DUDE
Ilir Latifi, UFC on Fuel TV 9
There were plenty of chaps with big trouser marbles at April’s UFC on Fuel TV 9 in Sweden (Ross Pearson and Gegard Mousasi fought through injuries) but the guy with the grandest was late stand-in Ilir Latifi. By playing understudy for training partner Alexander Gustafsson on less than a week’s notice in the main event of a UFC card in his hometown, then having the snot jabbed out of him for three rounds and still wanting to bite off another piece too large to chew, Latifi proved he’s got some big ‘uns.
CAPTAIN HOOK
Doug Marshall, Bellator 95
Doug Marshall is ‘The Rhino’ but if he had to be another concrete noun might we suggest ‘The Really Heavy Hammer, Like A Sledgehammer But Probably Even Heavier, Maybe A Double Sledgehammer, But That Would Be Quite Hard To Hold So Let’s Say A Lead Sledgehammer.’ Because the former WEC light heavyweight champion won the Bellator season eight 185lb tournament with a seriously hulking right hook in April. The guy near enough knocked fellow finalist Brett Cooper’s head off his shoulders with it, even after he swallowed a post-clinch left hook. That’s real heavy leather.
I SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
Cat Zingano and Miesha Tate, The Ultimate Fighter 17 Finale
The Octagon’s first-ever mother, Cat Zingano, certainly doesn’t have balls, but bouncing back from some of Miesha Tate’s sturdiest shots and fighting through several near submissions takes a lot of something. Entering the third and final round of the pair’s bout, the second ever in the UFC’s new female division, she was down on enough judges’ cards to lose a decision. So she completed a strike-based assault, finished with some vicious knees against the cage, to force the TKO finish. Can we call it a comeback?
WEIRDEST EVENT
Everything, UFC 159
When UFC commentators Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan declared during the main card broadcast that UFC 159 was the weirdest yet, they weren’t lying. The April show in New Jersey had, in no particular order, Jon Jones dislocating his big toe in the main event and not even noticing until the post-fight announcement (weird), and then trying to stop himself throwing up as he received medical attention and gave Joe Rogan an interview (bizarre). Michael Bisping and Alan Belcher’s middleweight grudge match going to a technical decision after a round-three eye poke (odd), the commission cutting Alan Belcher’s ankle wraps off as he was being announced (awkward), an earlier tech decision when Gian Villante was ruled immediately unable to continue when he too was poked in the eye in the third (peculiar). Let’s not forget, the between-rounds demon voice that hijacked the telecast audio during the Bisping-Belcher bout (eerie), Jones traversing the Octagon apron to visit his family before he entered the cage (unique), and in the Pat Healy vs Jim Miller scrap veteran voice Bruce Buffer announcing the wrong winner for the first time ever (quirky). And we couldn’t leave out sambo specialist Rustam Khabilov suplexing Yancy Medeiros’ thumb out of its socket for the TKO win (wacky).
SOUL REAVER
Joseph Benavidez, UFC on Fox 7
Some strikes just look horrendous to receive. Featherweight juggernaut Joseph Benavidez delivered one which fit that bill on the prelims of UFC on Fox 7 in April. He’d hit opponent Darren Uyenoyama with a body kick that was visibly painful as the second round closed out – but that wasn’t the money shot. After mixing up his attacks for the next 15 seconds, Benavidez wailed a left to the liver. Uyenoyama practically jumped across the Octagon with the wince-inducing blow, which forced him to turtle up on the canvas. Referee Herb Dean called it soon after. Flyweights can’t finish fights, eh?
BEST FIGHT
Jessica Penne and Michelle Waterson, Invicta FC 5
You know you’re watching a good fight when a five-minute round feels like 30 seconds. As was the case with champion Jessica Penne and Michelle Waterson’s exciting and technical scrap for the atomweight title in the main event of the all-female Invicta FC 5 card. Each of the three and a half rounds their fight lasted flew by as both women exchanged submissions, sweeps and strikes. Waterson had the better of the early going, threatening with submissions in the first, and again in the second before finding herself in a tight Penne gogoplata then seeing the momentum shift toward the champ as the 10th minute ticked away. The third was all Penne, nearly stopping Waterson with grounded strikes against the cage and ‘The Karate Hottie’ having to escape an air-tight armbar. The fourth was where the rollercoaster finally ended, though, and with a new champion: Waterson snagging a quick armbar to take the 105lb belt home to Albuquerque.
BEST KNOCKOUT AND DANCE COMBO
Anthony Njokuani, UFC on Fox 7
‘Yeah you could KO Strikeforce vet Roger Bowling with a very pretty left hook, but why do just that? You’ve got some sweet B-boy moves in your back pocket, why not bust them out? Go on, you know it’ll look freaking awesome.’ That, we should imagine, was Anthony Njokuani’s internal monologue upon blasting out a lunging Bowling’s lights after luring him in for a good part of the rest of the second round. Because the lightweight only threw down a textbook windmill (shoulders grounded, body airborne and spinning) to celebrate his ‘W’. Which was better? Hard to say. All we know is we want to see wall-running John Dodson and Njokuani in a dance-off as soon as possible.
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