Issue 081

November 2011

There is nothing worse at an event than being sat next to rowdy fans who are all gear but no idea. Here Fighters Only presents an essential guide to cage-side calling

We’ve all been there. You’ve waited for weeks for the show to arrive, tuned into the press conferences, ducked work to attend yesterday’s weigh-in and restricted yourself to just two drinks to ensure you don’t miss any of the action. Then, seconds after the opening bell, some dude leans over your shoulder with the breath of an aging beer mat and screams: “Punch him in the face!” 

At that very moment you know it’s going to be a long night. Don’t get us wrong, buying a ticket to a live show gives fans free reign to say and do pretty much whatever they want. And most, charged on adrenaline and impending warfare, do exactly that. They receive the green light to abuse and confuse fighters from the moment they clasp hands around an event ticket and a beverage, and most make the privilege count. Yet more often than not that heckling falls into the bracket of uneducated and unnecessary.

Some fans arrive with good intentions, of course, and do their damnedest to showcase the potential to become the next Joe Rogan or Greg Jackson. These souls are usually the first to arrive, with an unnerving knowledge of sambo and Japanese cuisine. Despite having never so much as clenched a fist, these guys will holler out instructions in the direction of a fighter to help them escape the most elaborate of submission holds. They squint at the big screens, all the while nodding wisely like Mr Miyagi, and then coldly and clinically breakdown the play from their position in the bleachers. The advice is unheard and ignored by all but the fed-up few in the same vicinity, before the defeated fighter taps out and the ‘I told you so’ inquest swiftly begins. 

But, let’s face it, most MMA shows are only scattered with people with that decade of cage-side viewing in the tank. Not everybody can remain sane and lucid at a live combat event. In fact, most fans feel the line “kick his ass!” is an insightful and serviceable substitute for an eight-week training camp and countless hours of pre-fight research. 

As the sport is still relatively new, and because many fans have designated themselves as founding fathers of this strange phenomenon, you often witness an amalgamation of annoying pretension and hopeless naivety at most mixed martial arts shows. 

Some embrace and celebrate mere ground transitions like a winning homer in the World Series – a startling sight and sound that leaves many first-timers feeling left out of a private joke. Then others will foolishly begin their beer run as Anderson Silva wraps his legs around the neck of Chael Sonnen. 

While most supporters who attend football, basketball or baseball games can claim to possess a solid grasp on their sport’s rules and implications, fans that snare tickets for MMA events can sometimes still be at the apprenticeship phase of their education. Many simply learning on the job.

Of course, patriotism and a natural thirst for combat usually ties us all together on the night of the fight. Chants of ‘GSP, GSP, GSP’ in Canada always produce a goosebump or two, and there remains something slightly unnerving about the ferocity of the ‘USA, USA, USA’ calls that rain down on Matt Hughes and Randy Couture whenever they step through the cage door. 

Ask any fighter and they’ll tell you every little helps, but as fans of the sport we need to recognize our influence and fully explore the power that comes with a perfect view of an overhead screen. For instance, consider how fate could have been altered if fans in Manchester had implored Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ to duck for cover moments before Gabriel Gonzaga plastered his shin across the Croatian’s face in 2007. Or maybe someone could have kindly warned Chuck Liddell about the dangers of leading attacks with an uppercut as Rashad Evans cocked his own roundhouse right at UFC 88.

Ultimately, we need far more helpful heckling inside arenas. We need fans to turn their backs to the action and tut relentlessly each time Nik Lentz drops down for a takedown and passionately grinds his foe up against the cage. Fans should look at their watches and ‘tick, tock, tick, tock’ whenever a faded former Pride star steps inside the cage and attempts to reclaim something that once came so effortlessly. 

Perhaps somebody could even sporadically remind Georges St Pierre that there’s a cab waiting outside with the meter running and his name on it, in the hope that the dominant champion decides to depart the building before midnight. Sure, as fans we all know how great GSP is, but, like Chael Sonnen said: “25 minutes is too long to be doing anything,” and heckling a man as pristine as St Pierre is considered both taboo and fun. 

Besides, what’s the worst that can happen when calling out one of the world’s premier fighters from row Z? By the time they’ve finished potentially 25 minutes of combat, the last thing any of these guys want to do is engage in yet another squabble. So, slander until you’re heart’s content, try to warn of impending doom and, so long as you stay outside of arm’s reach, you’ll be just fine.