Issue 060

March 2010

You can never accuse the sport of MMA of being dull, and the 12 months that made up 2009 were packed with some of the craziest, funniest and most memorable events in MMA history. In no particular order, in this special feature we take a look back at some of the highs and lows of 2009. 

1 Chuck Liddell on Dancing with the Stars

One small, soft shoe-shuffle for man, one huge leap on the road to mainstream acceptance for mixed martial arts. The band tore into Sinatra’s ‘That’s Life’ and Chuck, wearing an ill-fitting suit and a pork pie hat, nervously joined his partner Anna Trebunskaya for his debut foxtrot. In the studio audience, Dana and the Fertitta brothers could not contain their delight. The judges were less enthusiastic. Bruno Tonioli later observed: “You bring carnage and mayhem to everything you do.” Great qualities in the Octagon, not so great for an ABC ballroom dancing-based reality show. Chuck lasted until week four.

2 Most Impressive Video-Game Inspired Combination: Nate Marquardt vs Wilson Gouveia 

Flying knee, right hand, left body kick, left head kick, right head kick, spinning backfist, right hand, right hand, knee to finish. An ambitious call on the pads, let alone in the final round of a UFC fight.  With two minutes left in his contest with Wilson Gouveia, Nate Marquardt suddenly morphed from fighter to video game character before unleashing the mother of all combos. The initial strike backed up Gouveia, encouraging Nate ‘The Great’ to hunt him down and finish him by unleashing every move he could remember from Tekken.  

3 The Death of Mask 

In the early hours of March 11, Charles Lewis Jr was involved in a major auto wreck. Tapout founder ‘Mask’ was dead, much to the shock of the MMA world. Along with fellow Tapout crew members ‘SkySkrape’ and ‘Punkass’, Mask came to represent the irreverent, in-your-face attitude of hardcore MMA fans. The clothing line they launched with a stall at small local events set the template for MMA fashion and grew into a multi-million dollar brand. Mask’s contribution to the sport was recognized when he was inducted in the UFC Hall of Fame. A true icon of the sport who will be truly missed.  

4 First Female Main Event: Carano vs Cyborg 

Gina Carano vs Cris ‘Cyborg’ Santos answered a lot of questions when they fought for the Strikeforce belt. Most importantly, yes, you can sell a show with two women at the top of the bill. The crowd at the HP Pavilion in San Jose were at fever pitch and the fight did not let them down. After four minutes and 59 seconds of pure action, Cyborg brought the hammer down on America ’s sweetheart to end the affair.  

5 UFC 100 Extravaganza 

More than just a fight card, this event made a statement. A demonstration of how far an organization had come that spent its early years bouncing around backwoods locations. The huge fan-expo took over the Mandalay Bay Convention Center for two days before the biggest names in the sport battled it out in the heart of Vegas. Mega fights that did mega numbers, the surest sign yet that our sport is here to stay.  

6 The Buffer 360

Bruce Buffer has carved his own niche in the MMA world. His manic introductions have become an integral part of the UFC live experience. Buffer’s signature move is the lightning-fast 180-degree turn. For years, scientists debated the possibilities for development. One question loomed large: would we ever see the day when a shiny-suited ring announcer could rotate and return to his starting position? The man teased us for months with the promise of the move before unveiling the 360-degree turn for a one-off performance at UFC 100.   

7 The Superfight: GSP vs Penn

BJ against GSP, a fight that didn’t need an ounce of hype. Two guys who had transcended their weight classes had been forced to look to each other for a meaningful challenge. The fight itself followed the old maxim: A good big one will always beat a good little one. St Pierre dominated, beating Penn mercilessly until a combination of the doctor and the Hawaiian’s corner called time. Like any significant modern event, the match generated a conspiracy theory. ‘Greasegate’ excited bloggers for a few days, but ended up as a minor talking point after one of the biggest fights in the history of the sport to date.  

8 Oddest Hairstyle: Hermes Franca

You need to do something extraordinary to stand out in MMA. From its early years, the sport has featured plenty of Mohawks and fighters with an in-depth knowledge of coloring products. In spite of this, world-weary fans were genuinely shocked by the purple mop top sported by Hermes Franca at UFC 103. He resembled a cross between an Oompa-Loompa and an alcoholic clown in the rain. Our choice of hairstyle tells others much about us. It is unclear what Franca hoped to communicate by having the coiffure of an old lady who has died under the hair dryer after a shampoo and set and been left undiscovered for three years. Genuinely disturbing.

9 Dream Use a White Cage

Parts of Asia have stuck with the chopsticks, even though the rest of the world is pretty certain that the knife and fork is the preeminent plate-to-mouth food delivery system. Dream 12 suggests that the Japanese are coming round to the conventional wisdom when it comes to MMA. The sport belongs in a cage, and the new Dream cage was a thing of beauty: hexagonal and gleaming white. Although some sentimental souls may have found the sight of Sakuraba et al doing their thing in a cage a bit weird, most see it as a step forward.

10 The Freak Show Returns: Jose Canseco vs Hong Man Choi 

The Dream Super Hulk Tournament always promised to be home to the best freak show of 2009. Who doesn’t want to see an All Star hitter, with a celebrity boxing bout against a member of the Partridge Family on his record, against the 7’2” Korean ‘Techno Goliath’ Hong Man Choi? Like all these affairs, the anticipation was better than the actual fight. Jose Canseco marched to the ring resplendent in tights and carrying a baseball bat. Once he put the bat down, his only chance of victory disappeared. After 77 seconds of chasing, Choi caught up with Canseco and the contest was over.  

11 Kimo’s Not Dead 

On a July morning, the MMA world mourned the death of Kimo Leopoldo. Major news sources reported that the 41-year-old had died of a heart attack. Thankfully, the reports were incorrect.  The circumstances surrounding the matter are a cautionary tale for our technology-rich, intelligence-poor times. A rogue forum poster made the original claim on the Internet and supposedly reputable reporters ran with it. Kimo slept through the whole thing, only finding out when he checked his cell and found it jammed with hundreds of messages. All were along the lines of: “Hey Kimo, is it true that you’re dead?”  

12 The Collapse of Affliction

Affliction’s ‘Trilogy’, scheduled for August 1, was widely tipped to be the final event for the promotion. The previous two shows had delivered big names in quality fights, but the astronomical salaries and high production values were way above what a start-up organization could sustain. The house of cards caved in after Josh Barnett’s positive steroid test ruled him out of a showdown with Fedor. With no viable main event the show was pulled and a statement confirmed that Affliction had made nice with the UFC and were back to being strictly T-shirt guys. Great fun while it lasted.

13 Best Ring Entrance: Mayhem in DREAM 9

Ten hot Japanese dancers dressed as schoolgirls, a silver jumpsuit and a choreographed dance routine set to the pumping sounds of German techno DJ Boyz Noize – it could only be Jason ‘Mayhem’ Miller.  

14 Psychological Warfare: Hardy vs Davis

January 2009: Dan Hardy is a young upstart with a solitary UFC undercard win to his name. Marcus Davis is a huge favorite, fronting the UFC’s European push. Hardy identified ‘The Irish Hand Grenade’ as someone he could leapfrog to make his name in the welterweight division. The ‘Outlaw’ called him out, then posted a Zoolander-ish publicity snap of Davis on an internet forum with the simple invitation: “Photoshop anyone?” The UK fans went to town, producing images questioning Davis’s sexuality and nationality. Marcus went postal, declaring his hate for Dan and generally losing the plot. The present: Following on from his win in Cologne, Dan Hardy established himself as the number one contender. Marcus who?

15 Best Advice During a Fight: Greg Jackson During GSP’s Fight with Alves

Georges St Pierre was on his way to another comfortable title defense when disaster struck. The Canadian was way ahead on points against Thiago Alves at UFC 100, then he felt his adductor muscle tear in the fourth. He struggled to the end of the round and relayed the bad news to his coach. Luckily, that was Greg Jackson, a man with the wisdom of Yoda and the unwavering positivity of Ned Flanders. His advice: “Hit him with your groin.” Too confused to focus on his injury, the champ toughed it out to earn a unanimous decision.  

16 Kimbo in TUF 

We never thought it would really happen – Kimbo was the technically limited street-fighter-turned-cage-fighter who had headlined the most-watched MMA events in America. To suck up his pride and join the humble ranks of The Ultimate Fighter would be too much, especially given the things UFC president Dana White had said about him. To his credit, Kimbo sucked it up and went back to basics, earning the right to fight in the Octagon the hard way. He didn’t become The Ultimate Fighter, but who cares? Seeing him in the UFC was enough for us.  

17 Legends Collide: Couture vs Nogueira  

In a fight that proved the maxim, ‘better late than never’, fans were treated to one of the best pieces of heavyweight matchmaking possible. Former UFC heavyweight champion vs former Pride and UFC champ Minotauro. They may have been somewhat past their prime, but they put on a show that would have shamed many younger fighters: 15 minutes of pure, unadulterated, joyous mixed-martial-arts action. 

18 Biggest Dumbass: Hello Japan

Not many fighters get the opportunity to fight on the main stage, let alone in front of thousands of hungry Japanese fans. David Gardner was given the chance of a lifetime when he was matched with Japanese grappling wizard Shinya Aoki, but Gardner seemed more bothered about playing up to the crowd than defending his neck from Aoki’s attacks. Electing to wave to the crowd and shout “Hello Japan!”, Gardner paid for his bravado, tapping out to a rear naked choke.  

19 The Barney Gumble Award. Funniest Moment of 2009: Clay Guida’s Belches (vs Nate Diaz and Kenny Florian)  

Maybe Clay Guida’s endless energy comes from the six pack of sports drinks he must down before stepping into the Octagon. The downside? He lets off a burp that The Simpsons’ Barney Gumble would be proud of, most recently letting one go right in the face of the cutman who was tending to him during his fight with Kenny Florian.  

20 Disappointment: Fedor Not Signing with the UFC  

Everybody thought that 2009 might be the year that saw the mysterious Russian step into the Octagon, but alas no. Fedor Emelianenko, widely credited as one of the very best heavyweights the sport has ever seen, could not come to terms with the UFC, leaving us denied the many super fights that would have resulted by him putting pen to contract paper. Here’s hoping 2010 sees him change his mind.