Issue 174
December 2018
Would you want your son to follow you into the fight game? How would it feel to watch your dad in the heat of battle? And what if you were both on the same card?
In Tel Aviv, Israel in November, 2018 on the Bellator card, two father-son teams competed when Haim Gozali met Ryan Couture. It seems like a trend that will only grow. Earlier on the card, Gozali’s son, Aviv, competed as well. MMA icon, Randy Couture, as ever, cornered his son. Then in January, on the Bellator card at The Forum, in Inglewood, near Los Angeles, Antonio McKee also fought on the same card as his son, the fast-developing featherweight talent AJ McKee. Father-son training and competing has gone on with the Gracie family for four generations. And the likelihood is that as MMA ages, it will become more common.
But it is easy to overlook the pitfalls, the emotion, the difficulties embedded in this complex process. Fighting itself is hard enough. But as veteran, Gozali explained back in 2018, it’s even more complex when you’re on the same bill as your son. “It’s such an honour for me to witness my son continue my legacy,” he says. “Also to be a part of history fighting on the same card, and I will be watching him make his debut with this amazing platform which Bellator has given us both. The only thing that gets to me is the fact that as much as I would love to be in his corner, I cannot physically be there. As I’m preparing for my opponent, my heart will be with him throughout and I know he will ‘make Daddy proud’ when I watch him on the screen.”
Aviv has previously cornered his father. But the fundamentals of the family are always challenged by such moments.
“Yes it’s quite difficult,” admits 44-year-old Gozali. “By training together it becomes challenging as a family but we’re pushing through. It is rewarding watching him make so much progress each day and becoming his own person. But it definitely motivates us towards our goal which is to win and to keep that legacy alive.”
AJ McKee has been in the gym in Los Angeles with his father, Antonio, now 48, as long as he can remember. He sees the father-son relationship as a huge plus in his life.
“He’s my toughest opponent. He knows everything I do. He’s literally crafted all my skills. He continues to add to my arsenal,” says the 25-year-old, whose father remains a physical presence in sparring and training, taking part himself.
The closeness they have adds to his development, reckons McKee Jr. “I would say it’s a great bond. It’s a great bond to have someone who not only wants the best for you in life, but in the gym as well. He knows me up and down. He knows when I’m tired, he knows when I’m fake playing tired. He knows when I’m trying to bait people in. It’s just great to have him with me not only mentally, but hands-on as well.”
The conventional wisdom in this area is that there is a need to have a line between father, son, athlete and coach. Is it difficult to separate coach and dad
“Definitely. There’s two men there,” explains McKee Jr. “There’s always going to be an ego. But him being my father, I’ll mouth off. I’ll say something to him or we’ll have our words, but at the end of the day I have to sit back and humble myself and look at it from an outsider’s perspective. I have to analyze things, and understand he doesn’t want anything bad for me in my life or career. He’s going to push me to do better and do the right thing. So I have to remove my emotions sometimes and take heed of what he says because he’s not pointing me in the wrong direction. Clearly we’ve been doing something right. We’ll keep staying on track and focused.”
Antonio McKee, his father, keeps it clear. Hugely respected in the industry, Antonio might not have competed for four years, but he started out in 1999 in MMA. His BodyShop Fitness gym – and MMA team – in Lakewood, LA, contains a group of brilliant young fighters, his son amongst them. Antonio simply separates ‘father’ and ‘son’ in his thinking.
“I take my emotions out of it. I do what’s right,” he explains. “I don’t do what emotionally makes me feel good, I do what’s right. I think that’s the problem with a lot of fathers and on-hand coaches. They put their emotions in it instead of just doing what’s right. Either that or they’re not educated to do what’s right. We have a very big advantage over everybody else because at the end of the day I know who he is. He is the DNA of his mother and me, and I know I’m a badass.”
His son was delighted to compete on the same card at the Bellator heavyweight Grand Prix final, headlined by Fedor Emelianenko against Ryan Bader. “No professional athletes have done that since baseball. The only sport where fathers and sons do that in baseball.”
Anthony McKee Snr, through his relationship with his son, is righting the wrongs, moreover, that he experienced in his life, living vicariously perhaps, through his son’s burgeoning mastery of the sport. “It’s not hard really, because I know how good he is and he’s really talented. More talented than anybody I’ve ever trained. My father was a professional boxer but he wasn’t in my life like that. He was an alcoholic. I realized how good I was in sports and how good I was in life as a person. Where I came from, it motivated me to know that if I can be a father to my son then I could accomplish a lot with him. The cards were stacked against us since day one. It’s something I never got the opportunity to do on such a high level stage in such early part of the sport. But he’s able to do it. The time is right for him now.”
As for Inglewood, McKee Snr added: “I always hope I go first. If I didn’t, I don’t think I could fight, I don’t think he could fight either because it’s such a nervous event. I’d like to go first because one, I’m a veteran and can handle it and two, it’ll be a load taken off of him. And if it don’t go the way we planned it, he’ll have extra drive to push forward and win.”
McKee Snr certainly leads by example. “I can tell them (his son and the team) what I’ve been through and show them how I am, by leading them and doing what I’m telling them and not what I’m asking them to do. I’m in that gym sweating just as much as they are every day and that’s the difference between me and most coaches.”
When it comes to father-son relationships in MMA, the template was written by the Gracie family. There are deep traditions of fathers, sons and daughters following the previous generation into the sport. Royce Gracie, now 51 – the original Gracie jiu-jitsu pioneer and winner of UFC 1, UFC 2 and UFC 4 – has seen his son, Khonry, compete in recent times. The relationship he has with his son – in fighting terms – has been nurtured amongst dozens of family members for three generations. The ability “to separate” is now almost instinctive. “I know how to separate. To me it’s not difficult, I know how to separate. I can imagine my father knew how to separate, too. But we are pretty synchronized.”
“You have to know how to separate,” explains Royce. “Of course, you love your son, but when you’re training, you’re the coach. In the corner, I’m the coach. When the fight is on, I’m the coach. It is difficult to separate, but it never crossed my mind I wouldn’t be able do it because I watched my father do it with me. He was a coach on the mat, not a father. Same thing with my brother. He was a coach on the mat, not a brother.”
Could Royce contemplate fighting on the same card, on the same night, as his son? “It would be difficult because I’d have to prepare myself and him. I think it would be hard, not impossible, but hard. That’s a question for him, sometimes I think it might be harder for him because he’s trying to please the father.”
Another member of the family, Robson Gracie Jr, younger brother of Renzo Gracie, adds: “Renzo is the right age to be my father. When I train with him, he commands a lot of respect. I try to prove I’m good, to prove I’m ready, but at the same time when something pulls me back it’s respect for him. I want to show him too, because his opinion – and the opinion of my father, brothers, uncles and cousins – they’re the toughest trainers I’ve had because I want to prove something to them. To prove I am in the same group as them.”
He believes fathers and sons fighting on the same card is a plus for the family. “My dream would be to fight next to Renzo or fight next to my family. There’s extra strength there. To even just have them around at the same time as me is amazing.”
There is also, adds Robson, an underlying feeling that a fighter does not want to upset, or even embarrass their elder. “We’ve been taught to respect your opponent. He will make you train harder, prove yourself, so there’s no reason to do trash talk or disrespect them. My father (Robson Gracie Snr) always said, respect your opponents and respect martial arts. We are not fighters, we are martial artists.”
It begged the question about how Khabib Nurmagomedov expressed his concerns about his father’s opinion back in Dagestan after the brawl at UFC 229 in Las Vegas with Conor McGregor’s team. Nurmagomedov’s father has been his lifelong coach, and was a renowned practitioner himself. “Exactly. I remember back in Pride my brother Ryan was fighting and he knocked the guy out. The guy fell down and he kicked the guy after, and my father got so upset,” recalls Robson. “That’s the same thing with Khabib, he’s a respectful guy and his fear comes from respect for his dad. It shows he’s a good guy. His biggest concern was going back to his dad. It wasn’t Conor, he doesn’t care about Conor’s opinions. It’s the same with us.”
Chael Sonnen’s son Thero is a tiny child, and yet it was Sonnen’s father, Patrick, who got him into wrestling. Could Sonnen imagine doing it with his son? “I really don’t know. I think it’s probably a really cool moment. I see that and I like those stories. Jake Shields is a very good friend. Jake just lost to (Ray) Cooper Jr. I felt terrible for Jake, but what a great story. Jake beat his old man (a win and a loss, in 2002 and 2004), and fifteen years later he’s in there with Jr.
“There’s something really great about that too, for everyone involved,” he continues. “The fact that Jake was still fighting, the fact that Ray could get redemption. There’s something really special about that moment. I wish that story had been told more, I didn’t hear about it until after the fact. I don’t like that Jake lost ever, but what a great story. I don’t think I’ll ever coach my son, at least officially. Essentially I’ll just be the chauffeur in whatever and wherever he wants to go. My dad was the chauffeur. He drove and we talked about the sport, he loved the sport, but no he didn’t actually get on the mat and show me his moves.”
“I hope my son wrestles for a while, but he doesn’t have to. I do hope he tries it a little bit. If he wants to play at home, we’ll do that. But, I don’t think it’s a great idea for me to be his coach.”
Sonnen agrees though, that “separation” is the key. Seeing your own flesh and blood being beaten up cannot be easy.
“Yes that’s definitely true,” Sonnen agrees. “But when fathers and sons can’t separate it, when it’s coach at all times – I haven’t seen that recipe end well. I respect the guys who have been able to pull it off. I just don’t know if I am equipped with that skill set. I will encourage him and drive him to where he needs to be, I will pay the monthly dues but I will turn him over to someone else.”
Few would understand from the outside, but Renzo Gracie puts his finger on the pulse very succinctly.
“To be honest I believe it is the best relationship I have (training with family). We do the same sport, we follow our hearts and our passion together. It can’t fail, it’s a guaranteed happy life.”
People not involved would not understand, says Renzo. “It’s because they see fighting as an ugly thing, as a violent act. In reality we fight for everything. We fight to get out of bed every morning, we fight for love, we fight for our kids. Life is a fight.”
Life is a fight. Indeed. That is a view shared, deeply, by Antonio McKee. “The harder the fight is for my son, that’s what gets him going. He gets fired up on that shit, I breed him to feel that. It’s not a problem. The more intense it is, the more confident I am in him. Look, I’ll never know what it’s like to have a father. I’ll never know what it’s like to be truly the best I can be with the whole support of a father. I’m just doing everything I can do for him. Hopefully he can appreciate it and he can do that for his kids.”
The veteran, incidentally, also has a 13-month-old son. “It’s phenomenal, I’m teaching him armbars aged one,” says older brother AJ. “He’s 13 months. He’s amazing. He’s growing, he’s running round the house. They say terrible twos, he’s terrible one. The second he started walking we were in for it. I’ll be coaching him. I don’t want my little brother going in there and getting cut up.”
McKee Snr adds: “Being in this sport is different.... it’s not like driving a truck or playing basketball. It’s a calling. I wish I could change it, but it’s a part of our DNA. It’s a part of who and what we do. We were born to do it and we’re going to keep kicking ass doing it.”
And his baby son....? “I’ll start it out, and AJ will finish it.” Nothing like fathers and sons . . . especially in fight sports.
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