Issue 115

June 2014

We’re used to seeing what fighters go through in the ring. But what’s it like for their wives watching the man they love put it all on the line? And how do they cope when he’s away training for months? We asked them.

When most people think about the wives and girlfriends of high-profile sport stars they often conjure up images of glamorous women draped in the latest creations from Versace, Dior or Chanel. Perhaps teetering their way along a red carpet, smiling and waving at the paparazzi in an endless cycle of champagne brunches and A-list celebrity parties. All while dripping with designer jewelry and carrying handbags that can cost more than the average Joe earns in a year. 

And while that may be the case for many of the spouses of the NBA and NHL’s highest-paid stars, the reality for the majority of mixed martial artists’ wives is somewhat different.

Not for them is hour after hour spent being pampered in hair salons while receiving relaxing pedicures and having their nails turned into works of art. No, they’re more likely to spend their days cooking, cleaning, attending to a mountain of laundry, juggling household bills and soothing sore muscles and cuts and bruises.

And the reason? Simple: the vast majority of fighters receive nowhere near the money most fans imagine.

According to Forbes magazine, the average salary paid to an NBA player in 2012 was $5.15 million, while the in the MLB, NHL and NFL it was $3.2m, $2.4m and $1.9m respectively.

But as top 10 middleweight Tim Kennedy revealed ahead of his UFC debut in July 2013, the annual income for an MMA fighter is close to one-twentieth of the wage your average football player receives.

At the time, the Green Beret was lambasting those who thought fighters were overpaid. He said: “Anybody who accepts that as a reality of the sport is sad and pathetic. I hope this isn’t the reality of the sport, if it is I should probably go do something else, like empty trash cans. I’d make more money than I do now.”

According to Kennedy, fighters see as little as 41% of their fight purse after they pay 13% on gym fees, 12% for nutrition, 10% to a manager, 10% to a coach, another 8% on camp lodgings, plus 3% for fight medicals and a further 3% on equipment.

And it’s a reality Jade Boetsch, the partner of perennial middleweight contender Tim Boetsch, knows only too well. Jade, who is in the middle of caring for her and Tim’s three children (Christian, six, Finley, three, and Benson, one) when she speaks to FO, is keen to debunk the myth that fighters and their families lead a luxurious lifestyle.

She explains: “It’s funny how you post something on Facebook and someone you hardly know writes, ‘Must be nice to have money,’ or, ‘Your husband must make so much.’ But that simply isn’t the case. We are blessed for him to do what he does and he makes decent money, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not like NHL or NFL money.

“In fact, by the time it’s all said and done, and he’s paid off the people he needs to, we are lucky if we see half of what Tim earns for a fight, win or lose. The idea that fighters and their families are rich is just a massive misconception.” 

It’s a sentiment echoed by Coleen Brown, the wife of UFC welterweight Matt Brown, when she says: “There are big misconceptions about our lifestyle. We are so normal and average it isn’t even funny. We don’t live a luxurious lifestyle at all. Matt cuts his own hair. I drive a 2001 Jeep. It’s a simple life and far from lavish.”

Coleen, who has three-year-old twin boys with Matt, also points out how much more difficult life becomes when her husband, currently on a six-fight win streak, has to leave home for fight camps, which can last up to two months.

She says: “When Matt’s out of town it’s not easy but me and the boys try to stay busy and have fun. Some days are better than others but we usually go to the gym and the library for story time. Of course, cooking, cleaning and using FaceTime to talk with Matt takes up a good part of my day too. I’m just your typical stay at home mom.”

And Jade agrees when she reveals some of the battles she goes through on a daily basis, while Tim’s away training. She explains: “Things really change when Tim heads to Washington for camp. We live in Pennsylvania so when he heads to the West Coast, not only is he far away, we are also on a three-hour time difference. 

“That may not seem like a big deal but when you are talking about an entire day, it is. We have three small children, so when Tim is away I become a full-time single parent.

“On top of cooking breakfast, taking Christian to school, making sure Benson and Finley get their afternoon naps, I also have to do the laundry, see to the bills, wash dishes, do the shopping, teach junior church and I have my own photo booth business that is booked almost every weekend.

“Having Tim home really lightens the load so when he leaves it’s quite an adjustment, but I find a balance, at least I try. Some days I feel like super mom and some days I feel like Cruella De Vil,” she laughs.

“The bottom line is I can only do what I can do; the laundry does pile up and the sink gets full, but I try to make sure the kids are happy and I don’t snap. Some days are better than others, I’m not going to lie, and I just don’t know how single parents do it.”

The strain of fight week

While the lives of fighters’ wives can become more stressful in the months leading up to a contest, when they’re often left home alone, it’s nothing like the stress they feel in the final days before a bout, or on the night of a fight itself. Knowing that the man you love is about to step into the Octagon or ring and, in a worst case scenario, put his life on the line to put food on the table can weigh heavy on the mind. 

Unlike other sportsmen who often get paid weekly, mixed martial artists don’t receive any money unless they’re fighting, and hopefully winning if they want a bonus check, so not only do the wives have to worry about their husbands’ health, they also have to think about the financial implications a loss could have on the lives of their family. 

“Sometimes I’ll go to the fights but even when I do I pretty much leave him alone and I usually only get there Thursday night or Friday for weigh-ins,” Jade Boetsch explains. “This is Tim’s job; it’s not a hobby or a fun recreational sport you play with friends on the weekends. This is his career, how we pay our bills. 

“I never stay with him in the hotels or go behind the scenes with him. If I’m there I’ll eat with him and his team for dinner after the weigh-ins. But that’s about it. 

“When it comes to watching his fights, I’ve done it all. I’ve been to some fights and I’ve watched some on TV. But I’ve also been so nervous I’ve hidden my phone and watched movies on the pay-per-view channels instead.

“His last fight I knew would be on about 8:30pm so I gave my kids to my mom around six o’clock; I then cleaned my house and decided to put my phone in the kitchen and go take a shower. I know this seems crazy and a little insane but until you are in my shoes you have no idea about the different feelings and emotions running through my head when he fights. To be honest, it’s not the fight I’m worried about, it’s the outcome. I just need to know if he wins or loses.” 

She adds: “During the (Yushin) Okami fight (UFC 144, Feb. 2012) I stayed home, and got a friend to text me to let me know what was going on – and it didn’t sound good. So I called my dad, who had people over at his house watching the fight, to ask him what was going on.

“So there was my dad filling me in on what had happened, while I’m still getting texts from the actual fight. It was excruciating! I finally got a text that said he’d definitely lost rounds one and two, so I dropped to my knees and just started praying. Then I picked up the phone again to call my dad and ask what was going on. He said to me, ‘He doesn’t look that good, Jade,’ then all of a sudden he just starts yelling. And I could hear everyone else in his house yelling so I just started screaming and running laps around my house, even though I didn’t know what was happening.

“Anyway, they kept yelling for what seemed like forever and there’s me still running around and screaming, trying to find out what was happening. But then the phone suddenly goes dead.

“I couldn’t believe it but my dad had hung up on me! I didn’t know whether Tim had won or lost, but I just kept running around yelling! Then my phone rang and it was my best friend and she was hollering that he’d won. Even though I didn’t watch it live, that was one of the most exciting moments.”

But as exhilarating as it can be to watch your husband triumph, or hear in Jade’s case with Tim’s comeback win, there are times when things aren’t going so well, and wives have to be there to support their spouse emotionally.

Coleen Brown remembers a time when Matt was going through a rough patch in his UFC career. He’d just recorded his third consecutive loss against Brian Foster at UFC 123 in November 2010, and there was talk of him being cut from the roster. 

“It was tough,” she recalls. “Our twin boys had been born only the month before and so we were obviously still pretty stressed about that. And then on top of that we had the stress of whether he was going to lose his job or not.

“That’s when you really have to be there for them. That’s when you have to be as strong outside the Octagon as they are in it. That’s when you have to let them know how much you love them.” 

Dealing with the haters

Whether they win, lose or draw, fighters will always come under criticism from one section or another of the viewing public. And thanks to the internet and social media, fans these days have greater access to the athletes than ever before. But sometimes that added access, and criticism, can leave the fighters’ partners feeling a little vexed, to say the least. 

Jade Boetsch explains: “I used to read the comments online and see what people had to say before and after fights, and people can be extremely rude. I had to tell myself that these people don’t know Tim, they don’t know how hard he is training and what they are saying has no effect on our lives, but it would still eat away at me sometimes.

“Before Tim fought Okami I remember reading something a guy wrote about how they had to give Okami a tin can to kick around in his home country because they had such poor training facilities, and that’s why he’d been picked as Tim’s next opponent. I was so wound up I made up a username so I could reply. Honestly, I don’t even remember what I wrote but I was just that fired up.” 

But sometimes the criticism and jibes aren’t aimed at just the fighters. 

Jade recalls: “I remember one time how my friend told me about a comment a lovely fan wrote about me after I’d appeared on the Countdown show ahead of UFC 149. I just talked a little bit about how we met and how Tim got started in the sport, and I walked them through what I was doing during the Okami fight. I talked normally, smiled and was just being myself, but someone wrote under the YouTube interview, ‘Tim Boetsch’s wife seems like such a t**t.’

“I just don’t get it. Why are people so mean? I didn’t kick a puppy or speak rudely or mean, in fact, maybe if I had they’d have liked me,” she says with a laugh.

And the abuse from fans can increase when a fighter is opinionated and not afraid to speak their mind. Take welterweight Ben Askren, for example, who over the years has verbally taken fans, opponents and even promotions to task on numerous occasions. And while that attitude has been praised by some, even more have been quick to criticize.

Amy, his wife, has seen what many of the fans have had to say about her husband, and she admits she’s only recently learned how to deal with it

“At first I was probably too sensitive to things I’d read in articles or on social media,” she says. “Ben is a pretty polarizing athlete, so people either love him or they hate him. It took me a little while to realize that what strangers say doesn’t mean a thing; how the attention, positive or negative, doesn’t really affect our family at all.

“I don’t really read forums anymore, but I know people talk about how cocky Ben is. As a competitor, Ben is pretty cocky, but if you met him outside the sporting arena, you would think he is incredibly humble.”

Dream lovers

Given the arduous and sometimes lonely lives MMA wives often have to lead, and when you take into account how resilient and resourceful they have to be due to the lack of a regular wage coming in, you might think most would be clamoring for their husbands to have opted for a more lucrative, and safer, career.

And yet regarding the four FO spoke with, nothing could be further from the truth. And the reason? Well, perhaps Coleen Brown best sums it up when she says: “As hard as it is with Matt traveling all the time for his career, I get to watch the man I love with all my heart living out his dream. He’s so close to achieving his ultimate goal and it’s really awesome for me and the twins to watch and be a part of that.” 

A WIFE’S DAILY ROUTINE

If one thing has become clear while talking to the wives of MMA fighters it’s that their workload can double when their husbands are away in fight camp. And one woman who remembers it well is Teressa Stann, the wife of former UFC middleweight Brian. 

Even though he has now retired, Teressa can still vividly recall how she had to organize her day meticulously just to keep the homestead running.

11:30PM

“We had our third child in September 2013, so I can only imagine how difficult it would be if Brian was still fighting. But when he was competing this was the latest I’d stay up, and I’d still lay there adding reminders to my calendar for the following day.”

6:15AM

“This is when I’d wake to start breakfast for my eldest, Alex, and get her ready for kindergarten. I am a morning person so waking up early doesn’t bother me it’s just getting to bed so late that I had trouble with! Alex would go off to school on the bus at 7:00am, and then I’d head inside to start emptying the dishwasher and start the laundry. I’d quickly try and wash my face and put some make-up on before the day really started.”

8:00AM

“I’d start to get my youngest at the time, DeAnna, ready for preschool. I’d pack some gym clothes, check the refrigerator and pantry to see what items I needed at the grocery store, gather my lists, letters that needed to be mailed and head out the door. After I took DeAnna to preschool I’d swing by the gym for a 45-minute workout. I still try to work out three to four times a week. It has always kept me focused mentally.”

9:00AM

“I’d run to the store to get the items I needed for dinner and start cooking it around 12 noon. On most days I’d try and start dinner early because after school I’d be running the girls around to their activities. In between, I’d be doing work for the Lou Ruspi, Jr Foundation I run with my twin sister, Karla Farina. It’s a suicide prevention and mental health awareness organization.”

1:00PM

“I’d head off to collect DeAnna at preschool, and then make sure I was home for when Alex got off the school bus at 2.30pm. The girls would change and have a snack before we went off to soccer practice or gymnastics. After returning, it was homework, dinner, baths, with house work in between, and then answer a few emails.”

8:30PM

“It was at this time that our salt water fish needed to get fed – and the cat. I would clean up from dinner and then make the girls’ lunches for school the following day. I’d then do some work for the foundation.”

11:00PM

“I’d take a quick shower and then get to bed, all to get ready to start again the next day!”