Issue 110

Traditionally, fighters abstain from pre-bout love making to increase their mental and physical capabilities. Does hitting the sack really mean you’ll be hitting the deck on fight night?

Do you remember who defeated Michael Bisping at UFC 110?

Too slow, it was Wanderlei Silva. The Brazilian superstar dropped to middleweight and scored a unanimous decision against Britain’s finest. His secret? “I go without sex for a week before a fight,” stated the 34-year-old. “You don’t want to have a lot of exercise before a fight.”

A revelation that tells us a) Wanderlei is as enthusiastic a lover as he is a fighter and b) ‘The Axe Murderer’ is one of the many grapplers who believe that orgasms and the Octagon shouldn’t mix. “It’s a belief from back in the good old days [that] our coaches passed down to us,” explains Benny Swanson, owner of Panther Gym in Edmonton, a premiere MMA training facility.

“I went celibate for six weeks before a fight and it’s not easy. Sex becomes the forbidden fruit. I can’t have it, so now I want it. You’re dropping 20lbs fast, training twice a day and not having sex. You get a bit irritable, but you have to abstain, because as a fighter, if you believe you’ve got to count to ten before you get into the ring, you’d better count to ten.”

Cynics say 200 is a better number to count to, because that’s the number of calories you burn during an hour of sex, an energy expense, which in the grand scheme of preparing for a fight is nothing.

“Especially when you consider that most sex sessions last six or seven minutes, which equates to around 30 calories,” chips in sex expert Dr Brian Parker. “Mind you, there is also a theory that sex decreases an athlete’s testosterone levels, which ultimately leads to less aggression. In fact, the opposite is true.” 

Research done by scientists at the Ludwig Boltzmann Institute for Urban Ethology in Vienna backs up this claim. Astrid Jutte and her colleagues took blood samples from ten men both before and after they had watched a 15-minute porn film and discovered that testosterone levels were 100% higher in the ‘after’ batch. 

Which settles it, sex is great preparation for a fight, right? Wrong, before you demand that your gym replaces MTV with Throbbin’ Hood and your girlfriend gives you some special lovin’ in the changing room, listen to what Dr Venus Ramos has to say. 

“The most important factor that affects athletic performance is relaxation,” reveals the licensed physician, who specializes in physical medicine and rehabilitation.

“You need to be as calm as you can be before entering the Octagon, so stay away from any sexual distraction immediately prior to a fight.”

Devastating news, but wait, there’s more.

“Feel free to do it the night before, though,” she continues. “If you have sex the night before a fight you should get a good night’s sleep. And if you get a good night’s sleep it should benefit your performance.”

ALL OUT OF AMMO

So, what happens to your body during sex? 

Step one: excitement

This phase usually begins within 30 seconds of erotic stimulation, and can last anywhere from a few minutes to many hours.

During this stage of arousal your penis becomes slightly erect, your nipples may stiffen and your heart rate, blood pressure and breathing all accelerate.

Step two: plateau

Basically a progression of the excitement stage, the plateau step sees your breathing and pulse rates continue to quicken and the muscles in your thighs, hips, hands and buttocks begin to tense.

Plus your penis becomes fully erect and your testes get drawn up into your scrotum.. 

Step three: orgasm

The climax of the cycle is the shortest of the four phases and usually only lasts a few seconds. In it, your breathing, pulse and blood pressure will continue to rise, your muscle tension and penile engorgement reach their peak.

Once there seminal fluid collects in the urethral bulb, before penile contractions begin and you ejaculate. 

Step four: resolution

This phase lasts anywhere from a few minutes to a half-hour or longer and sees your muscle tension fade, your heart rate and blood pressure drop and your penis return to its normal flaccid state. 

SEX FOR STRENGTH

“For men, almost every sexual position involves a pelvic thrust movement, which requires work from your hip flexors, gluteus and lower back-muscles,” reveals Dr Ramos, who has created a special workout that physically trains people for making love.

“Many positions, including the missionary position will engage a man’s shoulders, chest and triceps, as he must support his body weight. However, the positions that burn the most calories are those that involve carrying, suspending or balancing a significant percentage of bodyweight.” Positions like this…

1) The Wheelbarrow

“The woman starts out on her hands and knees and then the man steps in between her legs and lifts her up by the hips, so her pelvis meets his,” advises Dr Ramos. “Her legs will be suspended in the air, meaning you’re working your quads, calves and arms.”

Struggling to balance? “Get her to wrap her legs around you for extra stability,” reckons the doc. Feeling adventurous? Get her to walk around the room on her hands and straight into the shower to both cool off after the steamy session.

2) The Standing Carry

“You must have strong legs and arms and a strong back to perform this position,” warns Dr Ramos. “Stand face-to-face with your partner and ask her wrap her arms over your shoulders and around your neck.

Now bend your knees and lift her up while she wraps her legs around your waist. Now get swaying and remember: the heavier the partner, the more intense the burn.” If you’re already ruined from a tough gym session and it feels like you’re lifting Brock Lesnar, just prop her up against the wall for added support.

3) The Tri-Pump

“This position requires two sturdy pieces of furniture, such as the edge of a couch and a chair,” instructs Dr Ramos. “Place your hands on the edge of the couch and extend your legs in front of you, placing your feet on the chair. Now get your partner to straddle her legs over you with her legs slightly bent and start performing tricep dips.” Want to go really low? “Then get your partner to assist the movement by doing squat thrusts.”

HONE TECHNIQUE, HEIGHTEN TITILLATION

Here are three MMA moves you can use in the bedroom

1) Inside Leg Sweep

Lovingly run your left hand across your partner’s face, neck and right shoulder, but while doing so position your right foot behind her left heel. Now, when she least expects it, kick her left heel, push her shoulder and sweep her onto the bed.

Note: move best followed with a kiss to the neck or breast rather than a knee or elbow drop. 

2) Side control

Wait until your partner is lying on her back, and then approach her from her left side and lean over her. Gently slide your right arm under her neck and control her right bicep with your right hand. Take your left arm over her breast and clasp your hands. Depending on how delicate she is, apply pressure. Now kiss for a few minutes. 

3) North-South position from side control

From side control, take your left hand and place it on the bed next to her left hip. Pull your right arm from underneath her neck and take it over her neck, resting your right hand next to her right shoulder. Swing your body around so you’re in the north-south position. Next? Feel free to use your imagination...