Issue 103

July 2013

Behind every great man, there’s a greater woman. And there’s no place that rings more true than inside the ring or Octagon

When Benson Henderson defended the UFC lightweight title in Seattle in December last year, and BJ Penn fought rising star Rory MacDonald, their respective mothers – Song and Lorraine – were seen everywhere.

Energetic, effervescent, and a reminder of where every iconic warrior comes from. Both ‘moms’ are there for their boys, in the camp, in the picture, but not in the way. It’s an intriguing dynamic. 

Scratch the surface and the familial ties are there in the language of fighters, often speaking of their teammates as ‘family’, with the protagonists in combat sports often describing their coaches as ‘father figures.’ 

Yet it still seems remarkable that in the male-dominated world of fight sports, some of the most well-known fighters still have an umbilical connection to their mothers. On face value, it would seem more of a hindrance than a benefit. 

Forrest Griffin says he had “an average childhood.” Adding: “It was me and my mom mostly. She was awesome and worked at my school. I am an ultimate momma’s boy.” Look around the fight world. Both now and in the past, mommas’ boys are ubiquitous.

Dominick Cruz brought his mother Suzette on his arm at the 2011 Fighters Only World Mixed Martial Arts Awards. It was Suzette who raised him when his parents split. Cruz was five years old and it had a powerful effect on their relationship.

Debbie Guida, the mother of Clay and Jason, has revealed how she wept on the floor the first time she saw ‘The Carpenter’ bleed in a fight. Now she watches every fight avidly, and will even discuss the details.  

 In boxing, the former undisputed heavyweight champion of the world Lennox Lewis had his mother, Violet, cook his meals for him in training camps, and she would always be one of the first into the ring after his fights, with a peck on the cheek for the big man.

The light welterweight boxer Amir Khan revealed to me recently that his mother still removes the spiders from his bedroom, because they terrify him. “I’m a mommy’s boy, really,” he admitted. He gets married in New York soon.

In April, Alice Ward, the mother and manager of retired boxing champion Micky Ward, died aged 79. Ward, whose life crossed into mainstream attention when it was depicted by Melissa Leo in the Oscar-winning film The Fighter, was a powerful matriarch guiding her son’s meandering career.

Her son, Dicky Eklund, described his mother as “the leader of our family.” “She was a great woman, a strong woman. She taught us all what it means to be strong because she never gave up on any of us,” said Eklund. She raised eight children alone and her grandson Dicky Eklund Jnr, while his father fought drug addiction. 

So, apart from the obvious that mothers love their sons, what is it about some fighters and their relationship with their mothers that engineers such a strong, bond? 

“Every athlete has their own individual requirements for a support network they like to have around them,” Chris Marshall, a sports psychologist at the English Institute of Sport, explains to FO.

“The term I like to use is the ‘scaffolding’ around them. That scaffolding can be very different. Some fighters have the coach, psychologist and friends and family whilst others have just a parent. They use them as their inspiration and their drive to move them forward. It can be a superb relationship – as long as it’s fostered positively.” 

That’s the case with Lorraine (Penn) Shin, mother of former UFC lightweight and welterweight champ BJ Penn. She says the toughest part is seeing her son disappointed when a fight doesn’t go his way. 

 When he loses she cries to herself “because I’m feeling my son’s frustration.”

They have had an extraordinarily close relationship. “BJ would take a boxing glove to the cinema with him to be Balboa when we went to the Rocky films. He’d work out during the film. He was four or five then,” she says. 

“In shops, he’d be reading the wrestling magazines when he was four. He learned to read through wrestling magazines. He loved Hulk Hogan. He cried when Hogan lost…”

Throughout fight week, Lorraine sells T-shirts and branded merchandise which has become a business, and interacts with fans, but stays out of BJ’s way. “But I worry every fight,” she states. “Every second, every minute when he is in that cage. I tell my son he has my 100% support. I am totally positive.

“And I would never try to get him to stop or retire... But the day he stops, I’ll be delighted.”

After the fight, they reunite. At this point, she steps into the role described by Marshall. “I am there when he loses, I hold his hand and I hug him. These are very close, very emotional times. I am there to hug him when he wins, too. 

“I have four sons and one stepson. I love them all dearly. We are very close, and it will never be any different.”

She adds: “But I can’t watch him fight. When he goes in there, I leave the arena, go to the ladies' room, and I pray for his well-being.” It almost sounds as if she has created a comfort blanket.

Marshall steers clear of the idea, however. “It’s more of a support mechanism.” Marshall cites at the Olympic Games last year, the British boxer Anthony Ogogo revealed that his mother had suffered a brain injury in the week before the opening ceremony.

“It was the kind of supportive relationship that really helped push him forward in a positive manner. She was a real big influence on him and I think part of his success at the Olympic games I reckon.” He ended up with a bronze medal and victory over the world number one in the middleweight division.

That would appear to be the force that binds Benson Henderson and his mother, Song. Henderson uses his mother as a totem of inspiration for his own work ethic. “She’s an amazing woman. To me, it’s just the daily drive she has. To work hard one day is one thing. To work hard for a week is another thing. But to work hard your whole life, that sort of consistency, to me, is what makes people great,” says the current UFC lightweight champion. 

“She would leave the house at seven in the morning, before my brother and I were awake, she’d be gone all day long working three jobs – as a hotel cleaning lady, in a bar, in fast food places – and she’d get home at two in the morning.

“Our older cousins would help us out. We’d get babysat a lot by some of mom’s sisters. They took care of us. She’s like a lot of moms – she can’t stop moving. I have a couple of teammates who are like that. They move in the exact same way. They can’t sit still for longer than five minutes. I guess that’s my mom’s personality. She always has to be fixing this, doing that…” Reminiscent of Benson’s own fighting style, perhaps.

Significantly, it was Song who insisted Henderson undertake taekwondo lessons, with his elder brother, when he was 12. “She’s Korean, I’m half Korean, and it was to do with tradition.”

Sports psychologist Marshall explains: “Some athletes like to keep the same processes to make them feel confident really. It’s something they know they can replicate every time.”

Just as Lewis with his mother as chef. “I don’t necessarily have a problem with that, it’s when they start to rely on things that you can’t control anymore that’s when it can become more of a problem,” Marshall continues. “Obviously, athletes need to become independent and we like them to develop a strong sense of responsibility, but relying on other people who have a big positive influence is not necessarily a problem.

“It is when the relationship becomes too dependent is where it will limit their ability to fully flourish,” reveals Marshall, adding: “The individual relationship can be really important.”

Another sports psychologist, Brian McReady, believes it goes deeper than that. He revealed a fascinating insight, explaining that it can often depend on how the mother shaped the child’s view of the world until the age of six.

“Mothers spend a long time with young boys. In my experience, which is fascinating, seemingly children who have been less loved produce better fighters,” he explains.

“When a child shapes his view of the world from the age of one, he learns how dangerous the world is through his mother. For example, just by how tight a mother holds his hand when he crosses the road tells him how safe or dangerous the world is. It sends a message.

“An over-protective mother will squeeze the hand tight, and she’s subliminally telling the child there are dangers. Even though moms are really close, in my experience the mother who seems less protective and less loving always produces in later life a more bold individual.”  

Yet there are other twists. One MMA fighter McReady is working with, he revealed, has recently moved to another city, away from his mother. “She fakes illness a lot to get his attention. There are a few cases of this. In later life, the mom who has seemingly given less needs more. The over-protective mom seems to be able to let them go.”  

Perhaps there is an exception when it comes to the mother-daughter fight relationship. Ronda Rousey’s mom was tough on her, and also kept her distance.

“I really needed a mom, someone I could cry and complain to when training was over. You have to hate your coach some days, that’s their job, and I didn’t want to hate my mother,” explains UFC bantamweight champion Rousey.

Yet that didn’t stop Ann Maria Rousey DeMars, who had been a world champion judoka, toughening her daughter up. Rousey was 11 when she broke her big toe in a judo session. She stopped and started to cry.

Her mother made her run laps around the mat for the rest of the session. It wasn’t cruelty – more necessity. “Sometimes you have to fight when you’re injured. You need to know you’re capable of that,” says Rousey looking back.

Chael Sonnen lost his father, Patrick, in 2002. He fell to colon cancer. It was his father who had instilled a love of wrestling, and a physical work ethic, in him. Today, Claudia, his mother, has taken up the baton and is with him at training every day she can be there.

His orations and personality make him a standout in MMA. “He’s always been like that even as a small boy,” she told FO prior to his contest with Anderson Silva last July. “He’s more adept at it now but he would imitate Mr T, Hulk Hogan and has always had an incredible sense of argumentation, and a unique way of looking at things.

“He’s an exceptional human being… but the character you see Chael playing really is him, because he’s always done that kind of thing. It’s a part of him. He could always explain his way out of something, even when I’d catch him at something. That’s Chael.”

Sonnen now calls Claudia his “practice cornerman.” He had promised his dying father that he would become world champion. “It’s what father and I had set out to achieve years and years before,” Sonnen revealed to FO last year. That promise in Patrick’s last few hours has brought mother and son closer together – as a fight team

Claudia Sonnen has mixed emotions about the sport. She admires the fighters, their tenacity and bold characters. But also admits it was impossible to watch her son at first.

“Sometimes, my maternal instincts make me want to get in there and protect him, but then I also see him fighting and wonder why he is doing what I would not have ordinarily taught him to do – ever. 

“I wouldn’t be unhappy if he never did it again. If he said it’s all over, it would be the happiest day of my life…” Fascinating and all too familiar.  

And Song too agrees. Her attitude was clear: her son Benson was a graduate and had two well-paid job opportunities waiting for him, and yet he wanted to be a pro fighter. But as he began to make TV appearances, and became more successful, his mother embraced it. She makes it work. Never over-protective, always supportive.

Song can now always be found at cageside. Just like Lorraine, Claudia, Debbie, Suzette and dozens of others. Mothers and their fighting sons – the tightest relationship in sport.